This girl really touched me, she is the first one who shared her story with me and I am beyond happy to make any tiny difference. Read on to hear her story. If you come from an Indian background this is very relatable, and if you don’t then just try to understand through the cultural barrier. Be kind and careful with your words, as they hurt more than a sword.
I would like to share my story with you too – I just turned 29 this June 14th 2013 Touchwood, Well to tell you the truth I have been on medication and I have been consulting a psychiatrist since the age of 20 and now I have reached a stage where the medicines have started taking a toll on me, I take my own cocktail of medicines now, I’m actually supposed to visit the psychiatrist every 15 days but I haven’t been doing that since 3 months as I have been on a shortage of money and plus the medicines he has been giving me are taking a toll on me and yes there are side effects such as body pains , I’m unable to think properly, I can’t work, I barely have energy, I’m so numb with all the sufferings now.
I was engaged to a guy which was an arranged by my family after I finished my university , me and my fiancé never communicated – he never liked me because I was not tall like 5 feet 10 inches like Deepika Padukone or Anushka Sharma (popular indian actresses) or as skinny as them , He was 6 feet 3 inches tall and he was really so very proud of the fact that he was tall and skinny , we were two very different people from two very different backgrounds who were just not made for each other – I only realised this after coming to India – nothing happened between us – just saying lol! We could not get along well and I told him about about my medication and seizures – as he wanted to use me and my family for going to Australia, though none of us have the PR or the Passport, He thought we were going to go and that was basically the plan – basically he was a Gold-digger! And I had to leave him because he was uber shocked to hear I was mentally ill and meds and all that.
It was because of family problems that I got mentally disturbed and developed seizures and am on seizure medication, anti-depressants, mood-stabilizers ,etc. , I’m at home the whole day – I used to self-harm myself whenever there were fights at home as my dad was the one responsible for the fights – sometimes I really get worried as to what’s in store for me, for my future. My brother used to work in Australia and he is on a vacation now here in India ,Now my brother is the only earning member of the family.
Well the first thing I did while I was engaged to that guy was join a gym here in India and I weighed 93 kgs then and was 5-feet-4-inches tall , the gym people were really so helpful they gave me diet charts which I had to change every 15 days and plus also I worked with trainers I lost upto 3 to 4 kgs a month just for him, I continued gymming and dieting and it became an obsession for me – I started in Jan 2012 and took a break for 2 months in 2012 and till December I was in one gym where I worked with trainers where they would guide me on how to exercise and how much cardio to do, till then everything was fine. Then I shifted to a new gym from Jan 2013 and worked out there till March 9th without a trainer and just doing cardio for an hour and was visiting a consultant dietician cum psychologist too and would talk too her about my problems.
At the new gym I didn’t work out with a trainer, though they were very helpful they showed me exercises whenever I asked them and also they offered so many times, it was just that I am really shy of guys like being around them so I declined but they taught me to use the machines , sometimes I’m not so shy – I don’t know lol….well my once I was kind of feeling dizzy at gym so I had to call up dad and pick me and after that day I don’t know I could never go to gym again and plus I also developed these horrible leg pains, pains in my feet, that would go right upto my knees and Its so bad I have been suffering from 6 months with pain now and no one has taken me to a doctor, I used to weigh 93kgs and weigh 77kgs now , I don’t diet, I don’t gym, I don’t work, I just feel so worthless – one of my neighbours told me that whoever comes to live in this house falls ill and is always ill, I never used to be so ill when I was in U.A.E. And plus I also might be thinking its also because of the side effects of the medicines, and plus I with my own eyes have seen dark shadows wandering this house, I saw a ghost – yes indeed, the neighbours teen daughter who also told me that a few supernatural things happened here in this house to the people who stayed here, and the tenants who lived here before didn’t live here for more than 2 months, than the next tenants came then stuff happened –then they left.
My mother consulted the psychiatrist just to make sure if I was ok and he said it’s just epileptic psychosis but I know it’s not I know I can see ghosts and dark shadows some times and I’m really not scared about it, well sometimes it’s kinda creepy. Sometimes I really wonder when I’m going to get married and I want it to happen soon to a really good guy – someone who is humane who has love in his heart. What’s really bothering me now is the feet and leg pains, I don’t know what to do about it…..
If you publish this-let it be under the name as Anonymous, as I know how people will look down upon me after knowing my story as there is a stigma associated with patients who are mentally ill, because that’s how the world really is.
P.S. I used to get bullied in the bus everyday by a guy for being overweight, every single day for 2 whole years – one day I broke down and started crying in front of everybody in the bus. I wanna do something that will bring about a change for myself and do something positive – I really like working out because I’m so obsessed but my feet and my legs…and I wanna do something good everyday like do my favourite kind of work.”