Last year I was 21, this year I’m 22. A lot has changed between then and now, including myself.
You see, till last year my world was un-tainted by deep loss and failure. I didn’t understand what it meant to lose something you knew was permanent. This was different, it was definitive and as time passed by, it was painful.
And then I went through the usual stages of grief- Denial & Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. I don’t remember understanding these classifications, but I do know, as months went by, I became tougher and started comprehending the bigger picture.
The bigger picture was simple really – You don’t stop living because of one person, one situation or one failure. Sure, some circumstances bring out the worst in you and sometimes leave you quite deranged. The only way to snap out of this is knowing the importance of attempts, confiding in close ones and making it through the day. Soon enough you will wake up without a heavy heart and the pieces of you that you believed went missing, suddenly start coalescing to create a newer version of your old self and the realisation is bloody darn amazing. You might be unable to forget as the situation becomes an inseparable part of you, but you do know how to live with this perpetual pain and that makes you stronger than most.
Coming back to my birthday lessons – this day was life-changing. In one word, today was un-familiar. And here’s why.
So far, I’ve had great birthdays, good birthdays and bad birthdays, I’ve never experienced a year where I was truly content in who I am, where I stand and the people I choose to cherish in my life. This is why I loved today. It wasn’t clichéd with cakes and parties filled with cocktails and dancing (Which I’m not opposed to btw, only making a point. Calm down haters!). It was filled with sweet conversations, caring words and emotionally fulfilling comprehensions. While a few months ago, I might be whining over spilled milk; now, I choose to embrace my gains, embrace my talents and embrace myself. And to everyone who heard my cries over the phone, stuck by me through the storm and heard endless stories of what I lost, you are awesome, and I love you.
Lastly, the message in me sharing this with you is in no way to show off about my lovely friends and family (although, they are truly worthy). My reasoning for this post is to explain why it’s important to have faith in the bigger picture. The saying if you don’t love yourself, no one else will, is absolutely true and if you’ve known me for a while, you know that I’m your case in point. Here’s to people who love me for who I am, I wouldn’t have made it this year without you.
You know who you are and how much I love you.