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Dear {Inserts labels} Girl…

Dear {Inserts labels} Girl…

What was the one thing you were name-called all of your adolescence, one thing that changed who you are, how you think about yourself… what was that one label that changed your perception about who you are?

I know you don’t have to think deep because the scars speak for themselves. When you bit your lip from ‘almost’ confessing how much it hurts, when you buried your disappointment in acts of self-loathing and hatred, when you cried yourself to sleep or when you just stopped being yourself… That first act of self-harm changed everything; it changed you.

As I listen to ‘My Immortal’ for probably the millionth time in the last three days, I’ve been wondering, how much have I been tainted by everything around me? And, how do I become whoever it is I’m meant to be amidst so much hate, judgement and name-calling? Does it truly ever get better? That sinking sensation of “I’m not good enough”, or more predominantly, “will I ever be?”

There have been a couple of things in the media that have also stirred up these thoughts, two of them being this and this. It has been heart breaking to watch a young boy worrying about ‘coming out’ and a woman being mentally harassed about having acne. What’s ironic is that in both cases, the boy or the woman have no f****** control over who they are or what they look like. But us as society ensured their flaws and their sexuality was sensationalized, blown out of proportion and their esteem shattered.

Naturally, I believed that writing about it would help and may be change the world in the slightest. But it doesn’t, people like these have made me stop believing in the power of words, in the power of humanity and I have so much to say to them, so much to fight for, so here’s my appeal.

Dear {Hurtful, mean bullies who lives off of breaking people’s soul},

If you’re reading this and you know you’ve called someone “Attention-seeker, b***h, s**t, fat, fag, dyke, etc, etc, etc… SHAME ON YOU. The world needs less of you, because you’re taking away people’s light and throwing your offensive weight around. You sit on your keyboard, type overwhelmingly cruel statements, or offend someone in real life, you don’t understand and you never will. You’ve been the cause of someone cutting, someone’s eating disorder, someone not wanting to ‘come out’. You with your chalkboard noises and wordy weapons that you use against everyone, you’ve not made anyone proud; neither your values, your morals or your religion.

Why? Because I’ve read Bible, Quran and Ramayan so far and I’ve never heard a single religion preach inhumanity, pain and suffering to one another. Which leads me to a topic that is stirred a lot in name of religion – Sexuality. I comprehend how hard it must be for anyone who adores his/her religion/culture and is affected by it, I respect the value they place in their faith, I do. At the same time, since when did your religion weaken by someone’s right to marry the person they choose? Since when did hatred and malicious words become acceptable in the name or religion?

Mary Lambert, this gorgeous ‘plus size’ woman who has a stunning voice sang this gem, it’s gut-wrenchingly true and every time I hear it, it sends shivers down my spine. My point? Don’t mess with people’s head; don’t ever pull someone down because they’re fat, short, skinny, gay or anything you don’t believe to be ‘normal’. You have no clue what it’s like to be in our shoes; holding onto few reasons to breathe, live with empty smiles and cry so hard that you have to hold yourself from falling apart. It’s sad, it’s depressing, but it’s our reality.

And from now on, if you’re labelling me, I’m labelling you. You’re forever the ‘Bully’ who broke me and many others like me, I don’t give you the pleasure of changing my life for worse, but I’m going to give you the guilt of messing with my head. Making me believe that this world will never be a better place for anyone that’s different. This might be your moment to cherish and laugh at how you’ve changed me, but just you hold on, take a deep breathe because the rebels have just started and they’re bringing the fight to you.

Side Notes:

* Before someone comments that why have I used labels in this piece, it’s meant to be ironic and painful and also the most popular way to describe most of us.

* I mentioned briefly about ‘coming out’ and how it bothers me, because I find it downright ridiculous when you have to reason who you are. The fact that a person has to accept their sexuality to their families, friends and make a big deal about it because that’s what is expected off them. I don’t remember straight people doing that, so why the hell would this be reasonable?

* I’m in no way a sexist and there’s a reason this piece is dedicated to women. It’s because that’s the only voice I can speak as a woman. I am not an expert in the issues men face and how it makes them feel, so it’s only justified I speak from experience and not a sensationalist point of view.

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2 thoughts on “Dear {Inserts labels} Girl… Leave a comment

  1. Can I just admit that I have found my soul sister in you, Heena?
    I’m the person who was bullied by her own family members, let alone by a random kid at school. I know the pain intensely well. It is gut wrenching and heart breaking what people have to go through on a daily basis trying to overcome their self esteem by whatever little joys they get, thanks to the “ideal beauty” and “normal” standards the media has set for us, the same media that labels a Muslim for being a “terrorist” and blacks for being “thugs”.
    And what’s worse is that as a society and as a generation, we are only deteriorating from thinking critically, we have lost interest in books, and forgotten the true beauty of knowledge, and being able to judge for ourselves than to be easily led as sheeps being brainwashed by the standards the media sets for us.
    And I am 100% sure that these bullies who use their harsh voices against people who are different from them have never ever come an inch close to logical reasoning and making self judgments.
    Its high time people start judging themselves before they judge others and see the lies they’re living in. I’m glad my bullies got what they deserved but yet I feel bad for them because they’ve never heard or understood the power of karma.
    God bless them all.

  2. Sonia, your comment made my day. As you can see it hasn’t been the best time and instead of blogging about beauty and all that faff, talking about things that actually bother me is helping. I had no idea it would resonate with so many people and would get so many shares. This means the world, if i can write and touch someone’s soul, that would be enough 🙂 I do agree with everything you say, being a bully is the most cowardly act of being a human, it’s like you don’t want to shell out of who you think you are and keep hurting others because it brings you momentary peace. A friend once told me, life’s a circle and we go back to where we come from and I pity where the bullies are gonna go soon.

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