Some days my stubbornness really boggles me. Why, you ask? Because, I have believed in this strange quality of healing through travel… As if it’s supposed to fix the turmoil on the inside and calm down your anxieties while focussing on ‘what’s now’ and the glory of discovering. This trip was a realization that travel really isn’t all that magic. It’s as real as life gets and you’re bound to find sadness, disappointment and pain all around the world if that’s what you carry on the inside. Tbilisi feels like a long lost home. It seems familiar and foreign all at the same. The people and food seem different, but the dainty houses, the character of the canals and the cathedrals and the narrow streets with tainted walls screams a story that you’ve heard before. The city is meant for living and loving.
I spent my first day quite enchanted by the beautiful streets and shops and also struggling to find my way with the locals and the language. It took me 2 shops, spending 10 Lari’s and buying 8 brownies along to get a bottle of water. Frustrating at the time, it’s all too funny looking back. The enriching view of the Bridge of Peace soon gave me perspective and pleasure.
I spent the second day exploring the snowy side of Tbilisi by visiting Ananuri and Guduari. The adventures of these two spots are both insightful and daunting. I’m all in for climbing snow-clad grounds and finding underground Church’s, or overcoming my persistent vertigo by jumping in a cable car (because, why not?). However, experiencing a tire burst, followed by hitting a lighting pole and nearly saved from having our van thrown in the frozen river, that isn’t my cup of tea (And I’m known to have self-destructive personality traits! HA.)
This was a ‘light bulb’ moment, all clichés of thinking about what have ‘I accomplished so far and what I’m leaving behind’ were thought. Followed by frantic messages to my bff (sorry about that!), 5 hours later, absolutely frozen and exhausted of the day, I made myself a promise, “No more living in a closet.” (And No, I’m not coming out). What I mean by that is living a life on your terms, for you and no one else. You’re not piece of Lego, you’re not required to mould yourself in other’s ideals of perfection and expectations. That ‘light bulb’ moment made me comprehend that I have been living for others, leaving a legacy of insecurities and absurd unassuredness all because I believe in the nobility of it all. Well, not everyone’s fit for that role and the unrealistic expectations that sets a stage for nothing but loss. So from now on, self-preservation is my sole motto.
Needless to say my final day in Tbilisi was spent recovering from the physical tiredness of the previous day. I did visit the Third Tallest Eastern Orthodox Cathedral ‘Trinity Cathedral’ and the view was breath taking. I roamed more streets, found more food and more scenery that was special and significant.
To wrap up, traveling this time wasn’t comfortable; it was every bit thrilling and exciting, loving and loathing. My body ached from the cold, but it ached more thinking about all the wrongs I’ve done to it. Ironically, every challenge I’ve faced, I’ve made it my weakness, letting it take over my life. It’s time for a change; I no longer want to feel suffocated by difficulties that I’ve endured. They must be my armor etched in flesh and blood. So come on 2016, show me what you got!
P.S. It’s taken over 2 hours to upload 70 images into this blog, so do have a look at the entire FB album on my page 🙂