In my 23 years of living, there’s one thing that life’s taught me, that is; you win some and you lose a lot more. Not just money or people, but relationships and memories, opportunities and lovers, friends and family, it’s all right there. And even if we like to admit it or not, some of these loses are caused by our own words, our own actions and our own mistakes.
Then I started to wonder; the broken promises, the broken hearts, the nightlong conversations and all the first-times… They are all supposed to mean something, right? What if one day you realize, the world is meaningless after all and what you’re chasing is someone’s whim of believing that the world is a better place. What if this is how good it ever gets? What then? What now?
That’s when I was looking at a perspective that I couldn’t fathom. Do people really drift apart because there’s a lack of love, a mistake too big to forgive, or is it merely ego and a preconceived notion that nothing can ever get back to where it was? I wish I had the answers, because I’m still looking. I mean for a girl who wants to be a writer, being at loss of words is the last excuse up for grabs. So here I am, reflecting at my mistakes, my losses, the people I’ve lost and the people I’ve held on to (and the ones who had it in them to hold on to me).
And I don’t understand. I don’t understand how ex’s forget each other, friends stop talking and families drift apart. Being at the giving and the receiving end of all three, the loss hurts just as much. If it’s caused by you, or you’re the victim, loss is loss and there’s nothing you can do about it.
A hearty sigh…
Here’s the only answer that I can think of. If you’re losing sleepless nights, busy afternoons and every second thinking about your losses. If these losses cut through your very existence and leave you breathless as you think of them, communicate. Chances are there’s still something there and sometimes even one beating heart can hold on for two. You may not have the right words to say, but if you’re lucky enough, you may have time on your side. And perhaps the point is to not go back to what once was, the point is to move forward to what can be. Redefine the love, the friendship and make it deeper than ever.
With that said, sometimes it’s not that easy. The damage scars like a tattoo and that relationship is eternally wounded. Sometimes there’s nothing left to save, maybe the door has closed from the other end, maybe they’ve moved on or worse, were taken away from you. And for those who live and breathe that kind of loss every day, here’s the only thing that’ll bring you peace, that’ll keep your heart from disintegrating and your body from frantically shivering at the thought of the pain. Nothing and no one will change your memories. Not them, not you, not the entire world, and those polaroid pictures that you disregard or the messages that you save and never open, they will forever be a part of you, they will forever be a part of them. And that’s the kind of comfort only past can bring, it can’t be reached, but neither can it be erased, isn’t that something to think about? Something to cherish?
I think so…