Birthdays and beginnings have a nice ring to it. As a 20 something, a lot is going in my mind right now, from soul-crushing ambition to a certain pride from overcoming my past. It’s as if the stars have aligned for me to live this exact year, this exact moment, with the exact people I was supposed to meet and the exact person I was supposed to be at 25.
Naturally, every instinct of mine is convincing me that age is just a number and that nothing is greater than a feeling of being young, doing reckless things that can be mere mistakes or makings of a new person. I can’t shake that feeling of being old’er’, and not really knowing what I want? What defines happiness to me? Where do I see myself in 5 years? So many BIG questions, and answers that seem farther than ever before.
But like they say, every cloud has a silver lining, a redeeming quality that makes it all bearable at once. And I think I’ve found mine, in the people I hold close, ones I share my birthdays with or nights speaking about love and life. On the bad days, they keep me grounded, stable and a shred of myself. Every year I age with them around, I feel like I’m closer to the person I was meant to be.
I’m not gonna lie here, life as a 20 something is crazy, so many emotions, so many heartbreaks; some real, some plutonic; but it’s all right there. Everything is as intense as ever, there are moments of utter despair and loneliness, followed by joy and elated happiness; there are moments of deep love and moments where you hate everything, everyone. We react so quickly now, with a loud tweet or with a WhatsApp screenshot to our best friends, and we forget to feel. Millennials are really good at that; we share our pain but refuse to confront it.
After that really bitter revelation, I’ve got to mention all the good things, even if they do eventually in fact come to an end. Being here, in this exact moment, I feel two things – Confused & Grateful. Confused because I have no freaking idea how I got here and where the hell am I headed. I have no idea why I’ve missed opportunities or why I’ve always been an outcast. On the other hand, the eternal gratefulness comes from all the memories missed and memories live, it’s from every hardship I cried through and laughed after, it is for every person who left, leaving the door open for someone new to walk into it.
It’s a good feeling. It’s a good place to be. It’s a good way to live.